Amongst friends you’re the relationship advice guru and you always know the right thing to say when someone is upset or going through a tough time. But the moment you’re in turmoil, going through a breakup, all that knowledge and rationale goes out the window.
You can sit for hours talking about what you should do, how you should feel and tell yourself you do deserve better and then 5 minutes later you’re sat on your bed crying into you’re hands asking why you weren’t good enough.
You can tell your friends to never settle for a man that doesn’t deserve them, but when it comes to you, you convince yourself it’s not the same, but it is! Whatever it is that you would tell your friend, you need to be telling yourself. It’s hard to do, but we already know you’re a rational thinker, so you are more than capable of doing it.
I think the reason behind the struggle of taking your own advice, is when you’re dealing with someone else’s problem there is no emotion involved and although you may feel terrible for them, unconsciously you know that you are separated from the situation and that it wont effect you. However, once your own emotions get involved, they usually take over any logic that’s trying to help you through your tough time. You’re in a battle with yourself, knowing full well why you are better off or knowing that time really is a healer.
I think the real problem is, when we tell people things like; time is a healer or he will regret leaving you,we don’t actually realise what we are saying, it’s just words, it’s the right words, but to us it really has no meaning. You could say “you will never get over this” and it would have the same emotional meaning to you. Obviously it would be a horrible thing to say, but what I’m saying is, we don’t actually believe what we are saying. Maybe because we haven’t experienced what they are going through, or simply we are just trying to say the right thing.
To be able to take our own advice when it comes to breakups we really have to believe what we say to others. The trouble is, just like when we are telling someone else these nice things that are essentially just words to us, it is exactly how we tell them to ourselves. You can sit there and literally say out-loud, I deserved better and you will know full well that you don’t even believe what you’re saying, it is still just words.
The next time someone comes to your for advice, don’t just say the right thing, don’t just say the words, tell them something you truly believe. Tell them the exact reason why that jerk doesn’t deserve them, really think about your answer, get emotionally involved for that moment, so that you can really believe it yourself. It will be easier to believe your own advice,if you believe the advice you give to others.